Anisut The Sweettuut.

Skinny love.

2011-12-21T23:24:00.003+08:00

Tonight, I took a shower longer than usual. I don't know why. But I just needed to stay there, and just let the water flow all over my skin. I just needed time alone with my own thoughts. I know its odd how I want a time alone in the bathroom, but I think thats the only place I could feel that I am really alone, no distractions, and kinda.. away.

Seems like life has not been going like I wanted it to be. Well, I might say.. that's life. We can't really expect our life to be like how we imagined, no matter how deep you have carved them on a stone.. it doesn't always go your way unless you work hard for it, then probably it could happen. I don't know if I made the right choice, if I've made the right decision. But what I know is, I have a good reason to why I made that decision in the first place. I know what was the risk and I am facing it all.

I've loved, I've been loved, I've lost, I've made mistakes, I've regretted, I've lied, I've been lied to, I've been honest, I've been happy, I've been sad, I've lived, I've been confused, I've been patient, I've been ignorant, I've been going through the ups and downs of life for the past 21 years that I've been living. I know there is more to come as I am just 21, and there is more that needs to be explored and to be learned, and there is more to this.

All the good memories that has been carved in my head will always be remembered, cherished, and will not be forgotten as it has made such a great impact into my life and deep into my soul, and it has made me the person who I am now. & all the bad memories will be taken as something that I could learn from, as a reminder. I couldn't really express how I am really feeling at the moment. I just... I don't know. Its really hard when your brain is clashing with something that your heart says, and this guilt that I'm feeling is not even helping. Well, for now I will just see what life has to offer and I will try to walk this earth with a brave face and a strong heart. Afterall, Allah is the one who decides for all of us. The questions in my head will soon be answered, Insya Allah. He knows whats best.

Expect the unexpected.

Hello blog, miss me? Cos I miss you.

2011-08-16T14:01:00.003+08:00

Its August, and here I am. I do miss blogging but I just don't have the mood to type it all out here. I wanted to tell how awesome my graduation was, I wanted to tell how happy I am that I've graduated, I wanted to tell how I'm gonna miss Newcastle, I wanted to tell how happy I am to be back home, I wanted to tell how happy I am for my sister cos she got married! I wanted to tell everything. But looks like that everything has been told. So in summary, I'm glad, I'm proud, I'm grateful and I'm happy that I've graduated and I want to thank my parents for all their support, and sacrificing for everything..I mean EVERYTHING! Without you both, I wouldn't be walking down that stage to collect my degree certificate, and all those great moments spent with my lovely friends. I can't describe how grateful I am, but I really am. Alhamdulillah. I love you ma and pa.. :)

Well, eversince I got back..everything was just good and well :). Selamat berpuasa to all muslims. Its not too late right?

xx.

my little superman.

2011-06-21T03:47:00.002+08:00

HAHAHA! I still find this funny. My little superman, Azeem yang kuat mengusut!

it was perfect.

2011-06-02T04:59:00.004+08:00

I am officially unemployed since the 12th of May. I am stress-free (well, a little bit), and it feels like ages to go back to Brunei since I have to wait til July for me to go back?! Thats a little bit too long when I've finished in May. I'm trying to occupy my time with things to do like go to the gym, read a book, watch series, and thinking of how to buy tickets for our eurotrip. Went to meet Aliff a week after handing out my dissertation. I've missed him during my hectic weeks, and it was the perfect two weeks during my stay there, Alhamdulillah :).

I will start to ponder when I listen to a music that's on repeat, like now. I am still pondering, and will keep on pondering until I have something better to do. It has been a month plus since my last post. I miss blogging. I don't see the use of me signing up for formspring and tumblr. I'm not active with it anymore, especially formspring. I was just trying out the new stuff, and was amused at first on how fun it was to have people asking you questions and most of them were nonsense, and then i got bored with it because I don't really see the point of it. Well, unless if you have a business or something like that, then I think its appropriate for you to sign up for formspring, right? So people could drop a question. Or maybe you could make formspring for your dating purposes, where people could ask you about yourself, example; ASL PLZ? hahaha ok i joke. Was not even that funny. AND TUMBLR, dont get me talking about it. Well, yes its interesting. You could reblog and everything, and i find the pictures cool sometimes and some of it moves and all that. But I mostly reblogged, and what happens next? Well, i just don't see the point of me having it. The reason I have it is the same reason i signed up for formspring. But ofcourse tumblr is better than formspring. Maybe I could use tumblr once in a while. Looks like I'm still into blogging. Ive been blogging for years and I never get bored of it. Its just like my diary, yknow. Its cool, i think.

Its kinda weird how I can talk about a topic then move to another topic that doesn't relate to the first one. So irrelevant. But oh well, I have millions of stories in my mind. I wanna type more but I wanna watch Grey's Anatomy and I don't wanna bore you with my crap talks. I'm watching it from Season 1 again! oh yeah!

My definition of Love...

2011-04-17T05:52:00.002+08:00

...is him :). hahaha ok thats just corny. I miss this guy! But itsokay, I'll see him soon enough. Huge amount of gratitude from me to technology, kay?

Assalammualaikum! xx

when the sun rises.

2011-04-14T13:56:00.003+08:00

Its approximately 7am in the morning and I'm still wide awake since yesterday morning? Yep, I had my coffee couple of hours ago around 2am. I'm up doing my work and this is me being 'out of inspiration' to invest any words into my work. It is so easy for me to type down a million number of words talking about myself, my feelings or what am I up to. BUT to produce a dissertation of freaking 10,000 words ain't that easy nigguh. I have to read alot of journal articles, books and more journals. And by alot, I mean ALOT! HEAPS! HORDES OF WORDS TO READ. GIGANTIC! GREAT! MASS AMOUNT OF WORDS. Ok, I think I proved my point. At the moment, my table is lined up with books. It literally is lining up.. BUT I will eventually get this done before the dateline though I'm still not really there yet, but I have faith. AMIN!

So I think I better get back to what I was doing, and I will leave something down here as a token of my gratitude to you guys. I present you...

My Foot.

Man, I really have no manners. Au revoir!

Why I love Sunday?

2011-04-10T23:31:00.006+08:00

This is WHY:

Yes, you see what you're seeing. (Must take pictures of eating ice cream, kay?) I just had Ben & Jerry's cookie dough few minutes ago. AND it was great! I went to the supermarket to buy me some food (& junks), and when I was walking I could feel the heat passing through my skin so I thought to myself, why don't I buy an ice cream? So I did. PLUS it's a Sunday and its really sunny and warm, so its perfect! FYI, I finished the whole thing. DONT JUDGE ME. I love to be bloated every Sunday, makes me happy. I don't regret eating the whole thing because its one hell of a good ice cream, kay? People should indulge themselves during the weekends, if you don't, there will be no weekend for you. True story.

I've been stressing... and also panicking myself out over my dissertation. Its due soon and my brain is not cooperating with me. I've also been slacking alot and I blame myself for that, which is why I've come to a conclusion that I'm going to burn down the Uni so the due date will be extended. Ok, I'm kidding (tho this could happen). Ok I'm kidding again. haha. Yeaaaaaah, this could go on forever. ANYWAY, I felt like a cave woman these past few days because I've been staying inside my room and I only get out of here either if I need to eat, drink, or pee. I don't even know what's going on outside, or the city. I miss going to the city. But this is my punishment! BUT I went out today for a jog and it felt good and grocery shopping as I said just now. Looking at humans make me happy, and alot of people are out today cos its really sunny. I should be out now, but oh well. I gotta do what I gotta do.

LETS GO VIRAL PEOPLE!

Thats how stressed out I am. I drank coffee in the middle of the night cos I was getting sleepy and I need to be awake. And boy was it the wrong thing to do. haha. It was not wrong, I was all energized at first concentrating on my work, then after a couple of minutes I was on Facebook exchanging crappy comments with my friends. I even sent a message to one of my friend and I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT I WAS TYPING. I just blurted random nonsense out from my mind and didn't stop typing. I was all hyped up like a crazy girl. I don't really remember what I was typing, feels like a dream. hahahaha. Oh mannn. Slept really late after that, and woke up 2 hours later. Didn't have a good sleep. I met my friends when I was on my way to the supermarket, one of them said my eyes look really tired when I thought I looked fine. But then when I was on my way back home, out of the blue, a guy asked me if I was alright? Then I thought MAYBE I DO LOOK TIRED. Yes, I am tired now actually.

But I think I look pretty gorgeous here :). hehehehe

xxx.

2011-03-21T18:25:00.005+08:00

Sometimes you just can't put too much expectations on something because it could leave you feeling disappointed instead. That's what I've always learnt all these years.

Of course the celebration here and the ones back home is not the same. I kinda miss home when I turned 21 yesterday. I'm glad that I have my friends here to celebrate it with me, but at the same time I wished my family were there too. I can't believe that I'm all grown up now. Well, its the fact but thinking back I was that little girl who's always stuck with her mommy and hoped to be a successful woman one day. I never really thought that I'd be here, and away from home.

And I really need to get things done because I've been out of place these days, I don't know why. Bismillah.

PEACE OUT HOMMES!

BOOYA!

2011-03-15T03:45:00.005+08:00

Happy birthday to my big boy right here, Aliff! Being 22 is not that bad, you're just on the way of growing white hair, be a little bald, and grow wrinkles. haha okay, kidding tho its gonna be true eventually. But I'd still love you the same and I'd still see you as my supaaaaaaaaarman! hahahaha. You're probably making pizza right now with your friends!

So, enjoy every bits of your special day, may success be with you, and may Allah bless you. & another new month to us :). I love you sayanggg! xxx.

Little Rhapsody.

2011-03-05T09:17:00.003+08:00

I just created my own tumblr. OH NOOO! Another social network?! =0 Uh-huh. How bored can I get? People say tumblr is better than blogger. Well, lets see about that. I guess its a little fun. HEHE. But I would still blog tho.. So, HAI TUMBLR! :)

Heres my TUMBLERGHH!

Love,

moi :)

Splendid :)

2011-03-01T01:13:00.004+08:00

My day started off just fine, woke up to a pleasant dream that I had. It made me smile, really. hehe. I had a presentation today in the morning, and I was abit nervous the day before. To tell you the truth, I'm not really good at presentations. I don't hate it.. I just dislike the fact that talking in front of international students makes me go a little bit shaky. Even in Brunei.. I guess I'm not that good at public speaking. But I know I can do better next time, Insya Allah. Just need a little bit more practice I guess. BUT, out of that agitation.. I think I did good for the presentation just now. I wasn't really nervous and I didn't really look at my notes that much. I think cos I came pretty late and I was a little panicky, thats why the nervous feeling that I had just went POOF! haha. and plus, I was confident with my points and my group as well. Probably we just need a little bit of confidence and support. ehehe. All and all, we were all happy because we were given many positive feedbacks from our tutor and the students. So, Alhamdulillah. Kudos to everyone! :)

After the presentation, my day just went good ...and great! I smiled walking to the city and I shopped for some things (YAY ME!). Didn't shop since December?? How ridiculous is that.. and when I shopped just now, my heart fluttered. hahaha. I was happy, then I just walked around the city and went back home feeling happy! I'm glad for this day. My day was splendid for this end of the month, and I hope it'll be marvelous for the start of the new month. So, I don't know how many times I've said this, but my day was pretty perfect! :D. EXCEPT for the brown mucus that I found sticking on the side of our sink????? EW? That really disturbed me in the morning. HAHAHAHA. Its still there. WHO STICKED THEIR MUCUS ON THE SINK!? OR did it just dropped from someone's nose?? I doooooooooon't think sooooooooooo. hahahahahaha.

Anyway, I have another presentation to prepare again tomorrow! OHHHHHHmygoodness. This is neverending! Presentationssssss foreverrrrrrr and everrrrrr.

Hello March!

Abode of Peace.

2011-02-23T08:17:00.006+08:00

I used to complain on how Brunei is the most boring place ever. With limited places to hangout, boring shopping malls, no where interesting to go to.. But when I got here in UK, I started to wonder. I started to realize how much I miss the life in Brunei. How much I miss THE SUNNY WEATHER, how much I miss the boring limited hangout places. hahaha, seriously. I think, that's what makes Brunei special and an interesting place to live in. You know almost everyone in Brunei because of its tiny population, and you seem to bump into each other at any time. Its kinda funny. Tho its not the first place that I'd choose to go shopping to, but for sure its the first place that I'd love to stay in forever.

Happy 27th National Day, Brunei Darussalam.

I miss you, home.

Peace and serenity.

2011-02-19T05:56:00.002+08:00

Assalammualaikum.

Forgive me for the last post, I think i was too EMO-tional at that time. I was probably PMS-ing and I can't even control it. It was a really emotional week for me around that time. But I'm all good now :). Smiling and laughing still despite everything that has been going around. Alhamdulillah.

I have been feeling like a cavewoman for the past four days. Because my laptop got infected by viruses and I can't even open up anything. My heart stopped when this 'WARNING' appeared on my desktop and became my wallpaper. It was a really emotional moment for me. Its like losing someone you love! HAHAHA. Being a little too dramatic ey? I KNOW! My laptop is like my second life, my second love! I'm always hogging up on to my laptop. But there's also a good thing despite all that tho. I read my text books that I've neglected before, and did most of my work.. and it feels good. For a while. hahaha. It felt... too quite? So I began to borrow my friend's laptop when he's not using it.. I used the Uni's PC to check on updates. I think I can't live without my laptop :(. I CAN actually, when I'm with my friends hanging out. But when I'm at home alone in my room, I'd feel miserable. mhmm. I'm using my friend's laptop at the moment. She's lending it to me for a while until my laptop's cured. She's my saviour! I feel alive again :'). hahaha

I hope everyone's doing fine :). Laterrr.

Vulnerability.

2011-02-12T05:30:00.004+08:00

I have alot in mind. Everything is compounded into this one huge thing, and it confuses me. It scares me a little. Feels like I just want to be crumpled inside the blanket and let it darken my vision so I won't have to see the outside world, and let me just be in my own planet. Letting me to stop breathing with my eyes closed 'til I can't hold my breath anymore. My emotions are not right at the moment, and I don't know what is wrong with it. My Uni life, all the shit loads of never ending work and assessments (yes, I don't handle stress quite easily), the long distance, my friends, the future, its all rotating in my head. I have alot to think about. I know I shouldn't be thinking some of those things, but I just can't seem to control it. It turns me into this sensitive human being for the past few days. Even a tiny little joke or any wrong words that blurts out, could upset me. But I tried hard to respond positively to it, and smile it off cos thats what I should do. I am not used to feeling this way. I somewhat feel detached from my own self. I hate being stress, and this is me feeling anxious. I feel vulnerable.

I need my family ='/

Gong Xi Gong Xi!

2011-02-03T02:14:00.002+08:00

Its the year of the rabbit on the Chinese calender. So, Happy Chinese New Year to the people who celebrates on this occasion! Gong Xi Fai Chai! :)

save room for my love.

2011-01-26T22:14:00.002+08:00

You know when you have that moment? The moment when you're lazy to do anything. All you wanna do is just slack around and when you plan to do something, you'll end up not doing it because you're just plain lazy.. I'm having that moment! Girls would understand this. We tend to have this mood swings, and our hormones changes during our PMS. We sometimes become lazy, we can't really think straight, we could even get emotional over little things.. and we tend to crave and eat uncontrollably, unless you can control it etc etc. Theres lots more actually which you can google it yourself. SEE! This is what I'm talking about. I'm even lazy to elaborate it. Its hard for us girls sometimes... hahaha.

Anyway, I planned to jog today..but I don't know. I just don't feel like it, but I want to. Lets just see how it goes. If it doesn't work out today, probably..tomorrow? MAYBE. I hope I'll be motivated tomorrow! I need exercise, seriously. Oh, I just realised that I have too many social accounts/websites. Not that many tho, just twitter which I rarely use.. I twit when I'm jobless or stress. I have formspring which is totally neglected. Well, thats because no one has asked me anything. I have a blog which I use to rant/blab on anything. I think I've been blogging since 2006.. and I like blogging, it releases my stress at times. I used to have a diary before, I wrote about my life, what I feel, its where I wrote out my happiness and anger. There was full of emotions in that diary, but I threw it out. I know I should've kept it for memories, but nyehhh. The things there are just full of crap. hahaha. And now, I've moved to my internet not too personal diary! HEHE. The reason I made those websites is because.. I'm bored. and I just wanna try new things since its FREE, and look what they have to offer, yknow. And I could just not use it if I'm bored with it, its not like I have to pay for it. I probably want to open a tumblr account if I want to. Thinking of it. So yeahh.

This is the dull-est post ever.

Assalammualaikum.

fat busy week.

2011-01-09T03:39:00.007+08:00

I have been spending quality time with this, i.e. Assignments.

I've been staying in my room for days doing this. I do go out from here... just to go to the toilet or go downstairs to get some food for my absurd never-ending cravings when I'm in the midst of doing my work. Doesn't matter if I'm hungry or not, I'd still look for food. Assignments makes me hungry. I already feel chubby and bloated. gahhhhh. I just had my dinner by the way and I feel rather sleepy. THIS IS NOT GOOOOOOOD. and I bet you, in a few hours time, I am going to be "hungry" again.

I am just resting, I know I should just be committed to my work and not slack even for a minute, but I am just plain tired. I've been trying to look for the answers for this one particular question which I can't seem to comprehend. Oh well, I'll get it eventually. I think I must get back to my future. I have another two more assignments to go. I need to consume coffee... probably later.

All the best to everyone with the exams and assignments!

Assalammualaikum.

several miles from the sun.

2011-01-05T03:03:00.017+08:00

SHIT! I just finished my chocolate!

Okay, what a way to start my first post on a new year. Its just that, I adore chocolate too much and I have nothing to munch on anymore. By the way, I don't think I'm too late for this..so, HAPPY NEW YEAR everyone! May this year brings you happiness, joy and success in every way :).

Since this is my first post for 2011, and since its a new year for all us.. lets make a fresh new start. Its not a new resolution or something like that cause making resolutions doesn't work for me, not at all. This is just a fresh new start! To the people who I've hurt intentionally or unintentionally, or I've been talking about you (TERumpat. HAHA!), please forgive me for I am just a human being who makes mistakes, sometimes without me knowing. I didn't mean anything for what I've done to any of you, who have/had grudges or hatred towards me.. ( IF there is any, I hope not. haha). So if any of you do, I am sorry. If you have a problem with whatever I am doing or with anyone else, please just say it. Cos bottling everything inside is not good for your soul. This is not me being perasan as if I have enemies or something like that. KIRA FAMOUS LAHHHH! HAHAHA! NO. I don't mean it that way. This is just me being cautious.. and just trying to make this earth a better place. PEACE!

I want to get rid of all the bad things that I have in mind, that has been clustering inside me, and around me, eating me up from within.. and its probably gonna be the one thats a little bit hard for me to do. But I must, because its really not a good thing for me, and bad for the heart, mind and soul. I think I could, and by that I could make a good start for myself! AND I do forgive! So if anyone of you who's been backstabbing, talking or did things just to make me go ballistic, or maybe I'm just being paranoid but this is for my own good and for everyone else incase you've done something, I am here to forgive. Lets put all the bad things and negative thoughts aside so we could live at peace.

2010 has been a rough ride for me, and I got through everything well with the help of the people I love, Alhamdulillah. Praise to Allah for giving me life to live and for getting me through the obstacles, and for giving me such great family and friends. It is also the year that my lovely grandmother passed away, which gave a great impact to me and my families. I wish you know how much I miss you right now, at this moment. I'm glad you were able to see all your grandchildren grow up. Al-Fatihah.

Now, I think I should post some pictures of what I've been doing during my holidays..since I neglected this blog of mine. I went to London on the 18th of December, to watch the Winter Games which is cancelled due to the weather conditions, and I can see the disappointment on the player's faces..including me.

This is one of my favourite picture because everyone is here (not everyone tho, but yeah. hehe) BNS! This was taken in London after the cancellation of the futsal tournament. - More on FACEBOOK!

Oh, was supposed to go to Amsterdam, but some of us cancelled our trip and again, due to the fricking weather condition. We were scared to take the risk, so we just went back to Newcastle. I was a little bit disappointed cos I really wanted to go since I can't go there everyday, but oh well. Better be safe than sorry :). Maybe next time!

HMM! What else. OHH! Good news! My sister got engaged on the 30th December, 2010. Congratulations to both my sister, Alisa and her fiancee, Isa! FINALLY!! HEHEHE. I'm a tad jealous and disappointed cause I wasn't there to celebrate it with you, but its okay I guess. For sure I'll be with you during your wedding! Insya Allah! :)

I'm so happy for you!

I MISS ALL OF YOUU! I should be in this picture!! hahaha

Last but not least, we spent our new years eve at our place! We had BBQ, and I had fun!

Now, this has got to be the most epic picture ever! Just look at HIFNEY! (Below: far right). just look at how he posed! hahahahaha. Lets give this a standing ovation!

and we SingStar!

Played poker!

Took pictures sampai LALAGHH!

OH, wow. Wait, uwh..what is thissssssssssssss? The guys went soft!

There is actually lots more pictures, but as usual I'm too lazy. You can just look it up through Facebook..but one of my friend haven't uploaded the pictures from New year. hehehe. But I had a good new year. I'm glad :).

Oh wait, this is not the last! Theres some more!

People from Keele came to visit! Izza and Ain. Thanks for comingg! HEHE

and yes..that is all :)

OH WAIT! ANOTHER ONE! HAHAHAHA. This is never ending I tell you. Just a special thanks to my lovely cawer boyfriend, Mr Aliff for coming up to Newcastle and for making my days filled with smiles and laughters. I had a really really great time when you were here. I am missing your presence since you went back which is just yesterday? haha. OH WELL. Must.get.used.to.this. Anyway, I love you porky! hahahaha!

mhmm :)

and that is all :). Assalammualaikum!

Winter Buuurek!

2010-12-18T02:25:00.005+08:00

Its really cold outside I can't even feel my nose, and its currently -4 degrees. Uhm..yay...................? Plus, its windy which made me to look like a turtle snucking inside my scarf with my head down, you can barely see my face. My nose looked like Santa's reindeer, it turned red like sunburnt. But I'm all good now, I'm home in my warm room. I'm all human now :). haha. I hope London won't be really cold or else I'm gonna have to burn myself.

Its officially winterbreak! Holiday holiday holiday! I'm off to London later tomorrow at 1 15am using the coach. I'm not a fan of travelling by coach, especially to London because of the long tedious journey which takes 6-7 hours? But for the sake of saving money, I'm taking the cheapest means of transport and that is the coach. Can't say its comfortable..but oh well! PLUS, most of us are going by bus so I guess that'll be fun. The more the merrier :) :). I'll be on hiatus for awhile cos I bet I won't be blogging after I'm gone, and I won't be active on Facebook as well because... I'M GOING TO AMSTERDAM BABY!! SOOOOO, miss me when I'm gone? hehehe. I'll miss you guys for sure. You know who you are :) :).

Despite the fact that I'm not really fond of London because of the busy streets and packed with human beings (and expensive tube), and the fact that packing is my least favourite activity.. well, F*CK IT! IM OFF FOR MY HOLIDAY! ..and I'm going to see my favourite guy on earth real real real real soon! :D

I MISS YOU SI BOLAT! See you real real soon! :)

I'm ready to shout my lungs out to support our BNS team and his team during the wintergames! I'm off to................................pack. EW. Happy holidays lovely humans!

Assalammualaikum! xx.

not a greek goddess.

2010-12-05T21:05:00.004+08:00

Hello December! The end of this year is coming soon and no, I'm not gonna blab about the crappy new resolution thing anymore. Make a resolution everyday, that'd be perfect. Its currently snowy over here, and for the past few days it didn't stop snowing which caused the snow to be so thick high above the ankle. Yeah, that thick. There were traffic jams on the road, buses were halted temporarily because of the weather condition. This one time, we had to go to the city to watch a movie, and we had no clue that the buses weren't made available so we waited at the bus stop for almost 20mins. We were kinda late so we tried to call the taxi, but they didn't pick up. And guess what, we walked from our place to the city on the freaking snow AND IT WAS TORTURING. I think we missed 15mins of the movie. Yeah, the weather was that bad. It wasn't like this last year, and the snow started early this year. Damn.

I think I did something bad just now. Well, not really bad..but yeah. Someone rang our doorbell just now so I went down quietly to see who it was just incase if its the random people again who asks us to write our details for..I don't know what that I think is useless? So I went down and peeked through the hole, and yes I was right. I just peeked quietly and I think I forgot to breathe for a few seconds cos I'm scared she would hear me breathing. HAHA. She was just standing there waiting for someone to open the door, just holding this paper on her hand. I think she waited quiet long, so she went to our neighbour. Phew. I pity her abit, but what to do. I'm not interested. Maybe next time? heh heh heh.

I am in love with Yuna. She writes great songs! Her songs are like indie accoustic with a little pinch of rock (thats what I think). Her voice is soothing and nice. I love it! and I can't wait for mid December :) :) :). Missing youuu!

"And I’m just me, I’m nobody,
And my name is not of any greek goddess."

The best things in life are not.. things.

2010-11-23T08:24:00.004+08:00

I told you about the coat that I've been eyeing on in the last post right. Well, bad news! Oh my, its gonna hurt to say this.. but I'm just gonna say it. ITS SOLD OUT! My size that is. Only the bigger sizes are left :(. I randomly checked it online yesterday and the price went down! From £59.99 to £29.99! How can you not be excited to that amount?? I was really excited and was about to buy it online on the spot! I was shouting inside, but when I checked my size it was SOLD OUT! IT WAS FREAKIN' SOLD OUT! =( =(. I know I'm overreacting here..but its sold out.. Damn. I've been eyeing on that coat for weeks! I was so disappointed and heartbroken. I really was.. I don't know why. It feels like..someone has broken my heart so bad. Yeah, that bad. hahahahahaha. Its cos I fell in love with it when I tried it on! I don't know why I didn't buy it in the first place! (duhhh, cos its pricey damnit!) At least I THINK before I buy right.. sighh. Oh well, not my luck then. I'm just gonna look for anotheeeeeeeeeeeeeer coat theeeeeeeeeeeeeeennnnnnnn blablablabla. ergh.

This is the coat! You probably think its okaaaaaaaaaaaaaay lahhhhhh. But nooooo. Its just "okayyy lahh" through a picture. But when you actually SEE and WEAR IT, it looks good. And it feels good and warm too! I need this for winter. The best part is that, it has a pocket inside and a hoody! I love hoodies! HEHE. ...and its waaaaaaaarm :(. Ok fine. I guess, I have to let you go... hahahaha! WELL, looks like Anisah don't always get what Anisah wants! I choose to ignore that statement :). hahahaha

Btw, that coat is from H&M. Its where I love to shop! :) :)

Assalammualaikum!

Choose to be optimistic, it feels better.

2010-11-15T06:13:00.007+08:00

My house mate just called me on the phone and he's just a walk away from my room. How lazy can we be at times? hahaha. We have free calls anyway. See what I'm talking about! Technology has ruined our face to face communication and it turned us into this inactive human beings. Of course it is the fastest way of communicating, no doubt about that.. but how did the people in the 60's, 70's, 80's did it? I know its not that complicated. They were all active, they socialized outside their houses, met people from random places. But look at us, we meet people through FACEBOOK (for some people). We talk, gossip, share, everything and anything through Facebook. We do go out, I know. But the thing is.. most of the things that we're doing are all through the internet and with certain technologies. We're all caught up with these newly innovated excellent gadgets that costs us hundreds and thousands of dollars. You're probably thinking that I'm being mediocre right now, but no. I am accepting the fact that things are the way it is and it will eventually/probably change to something like The Jetsons (I literally googled this show on cartoon network old shows, cos I forgot the title. HEHE) in the future. Who knows right? Know the cartoon WALL-E? We'd probably turn into those obese human beings anytime soon. BUT without all these technologies, we won't be able to communicate or research conveniently and efficiently right? RIGHT! Oh well, there's always pros and cons in everything.

TOMORROW IS THE DAY! I am in need of chopping my hair off! I can't wait, seriously. I don't feel the love with my hair anymore, we lost the connection. Its all tangled and my hair keeps on falling off =/. That's not a good sign. I'll be bald anytime soon if it keeps going on like this. Hair, please bare with me. You know I love you. My hair needs volume and needs to look lively! You know what I mean. My hair has feelings too okay?? hahahaha.

Anyway, I have this one coat that I can't get my mind off it. I am not always like this. This is me being NOT ME, and this is me being I SERIOUSLY NEED TO GET THAT COAT! The moment I tried it on, that's the moment I fell in love with it. Its love at first sight. I went to the shop the other day and I found out its GONE! The only identical coat left is the checkered one but I don't want that. I want the black one that I've been eyeing on. I'm gonna look for it again tomorrow..and if its not there, I WILL BUY IT ONLINE WHATEVER THE CIRCUMSTANCES MAY BE. I am serious. Thats how bad I want that coat, and when I really want things that I want. Anisah will get what Anisah wants okay? Please? :( hahahahah.

I should be reading actually, but the article is just so boring? But fineeeeeeeeeee. I'm off! Assalammualaikum!

Sanctuary.

2010-11-08T07:02:00.025+08:00

So I got tagged by Nadd to post something about my room. Talk about my favourite things around here, this and that. Lets put something a little (just a little) interesting around here shall we? Since I can't talk about my real room in Brunei, I'll just tell you bout my room up here in Newcastle. I've been moving around since I got here last year. First, I was in Wingrove and my room was nice and cosy until the bugs invaded all our bedrooms and we all got bitten every night. So we moved to Brighton and I loved my carpeted floor with cosy huge bed, cosy lightings but tend to get very cold at night, and I didn't really get a good connection there so I had to sit at the corner of my bed just to get the connection and it caused me backache. Now I'm here! Still in Brighton, a little far from my old house.. cleaner, cosy and warm :). I like it here tho sometimes we have to restart the internet probably 5 times a day and I don't know why. OK! Let me just show you around with pictures provided! hehe.

This picture right here shows the image of every corner of basically almost everything in my room. So if you want to observe it even more please do click it, or even better zoom it to check if there's anything that you want to see, any dust or bugs walking around.

The first picture is obviously my bed, its where I sleep every night and where I used to sit or lay down to go online cos my study table was really messy the first time I moved in, but now its just 'where I sleep every night'. The second picture shows my dressing table and closet. The third one is my study table and lastly my jackets and bathrobe hanging on the door!

I love my dressing table! Its actually a drawer but I want to call it a dressing table cause..I want to? Its where I put all my stuff; lotions, powder, perfumes, accessories..yada yada yada. AND you know what I love the most about this dressing table (drawer)?? If you see on the first picture theres only 2 drawers but theres actually another hidden drawer inside the first drawer (TOO MUCH DRAWER BEING SAID), and it's shown on the third picture.

The window right there is a shortcut to New York and Hawaii. I've been to those two countries a few times now..almost every week I'd say. That's why I love this room. Just look at the second and third photo, THAT'S HAWAII! :D. Ok, fineee. That's my window right there and I don't really have an amazing view of a beautiful serene beach like Nadd does. All I have is that AMAZING view of our backyard which shows...wires to hang clothes (I don't hang my clothes outside FYI) and a huge door which is only open on Thursday and Friday morning to put out/in the rubbish bins. Wanna know whats even more amazing? THE VIEW OF THE TOILET'S WINDOW (last image)!! OH YEAHH! How amazing is that? Amazing grace :')

..and this right here, is where I hang some of my clothes, and some are in my antique looking wardrobe. What I dislike about my wardrobe is that there's no pole inside to hang my clothes, that's why I hang it outside. There's just 6 hooks provided which I find it weird.. and I used that to hang my scarves and beanies. I want to show you how it looks like inside, but there's a huge alive octopus in there if you know what I mean. hahaha.

Theres a few things that I like about my room. Lets say..its the favourites! Now, lets see...

I love this part of my room. A wall shelf just above my so called dressing table. Its where I put the candles and incense, but haven't used it yet. And also my favourite three rocks that my friends randomly gave me when we were at South Shield at Marsden Grotto's beach. The first one is a love shaped rock, and the second one is a round shape and the third one is shaped like a guitar pick. hehehe.

NOW! What do I love about my wall? All of this! :D The pictures on the wall are all the pictures of my favourite lovely people in the universe. I'm planning to put more pictures up there, probably soon! HEHE. The second image is my white board that's left by my senior, but its now mine. I love it when people leave random message on it like the one on it now which says "WE ARE LEMUR! NOT MONKEY!!!", and that's from Deco cos we're LEMUR! hahaha. Please do google lemur if you don't know what kind of animal is that, and please do note that ITS NOT A MONKEY. Beside it is MR BUMPY! Its my personal favourite cos I chose and got it myself at a carnival at Nunsmoor Park, by "fishing" out artificial burgers. I think it was burgers. hahaha. La terza immagine shows my birthday card given by my Newcastle family sticked on the wall. The last picture is some random notes and drawings by my friends when they were in my room and used my post-it to do all that. That was actually last year and I brought it with me when I moved to my current house cos I don't wish to throw it. Memories are something that I cherish, even the little things like this one :).

This is of course my survival food. hahaha. LOOK! I still have my SUKUUUN! My favourite, and its almost finished :(. Haven't really used some of the perencah that I brought with me, I just used the nasi goreng perencah and its almost finished as well.

I spend most of my time sitting right here on my study table, using my one and only laptop to go online, to do work, to blow dry my hair using the webcam and logging into the infamous FACEBOOK which sometimes could delay me when I'm doing my work. TRUE STORY! The rocket shape thing right there is my small lava lamp which I connect it to my laptop every night for me to use when I'm sleeping! Its kind of my night lamp but this one is even cooler cos it shows this moving lights on the ceiling. Its not really a lava lamp.. it looks like one but theres only one colour with this glittery thing inside. Lava lamp is more cooler. I got this for free! Found it in this room left by the senior. haaahaaa.

It keeps me warm when I'm feeling cold. It makes me feel like I'm in Brunei when its really heating up. Its just like a teddy bear which keeps my body warm and makes the room cosy, but I can't hug it or else I'll get burnt. My saviour to dry up my clothes when I'm doing my laundry. My one and only personal favourite through this cold weather, my heater.

Ahhhh.. talking about heater, I need to do my laundry ASAP! Its seriously piling up at the moment. This is my basket btw :). HAHA.

and I'll end up this post with my socks showing on the floor.. Una buona giornata! :D

I tag:

My sister, Alisa, (since you have your own TV now, new curtains, new this and that. PFFT!)

HAHA.

Beyla,

Nisa,

anddddd whoever that wants to do this :)

Assalammualaikum.

Let's make rhythm and harmony.

2010-11-05T01:55:00.028+08:00

HOLLA!

I kept receiving events about the fornication of Lindsay Lohan that's caught on tape? It's just so annoying and I think its just a virus that's spread out by some pervert. I have no interest in watching Lindsay doing that thing she does, but I don't mind if it's Brad Pitt they're spreading cause I WOULD TOTALLY ACCEPT THAT EVENT AND WATCH IT! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA! OKAY , I was just joking.

Any any any anyway, my weekend starts today! :D. I only had 2 days of classes this week which was included by 5 classes only. So yeahhh. Next week will only be lectures so I can relax abit. HEWHEWHEW. We've already got one assignment tho and I've also got my dessertation supervisor too as well. I'm kinda nervous about the topic that I've chosen, I'm scared that I wouldn't get much information. But oh well, I'll do my best! What else is there to say? OHH! I'm looking forward for my weekend cause there will be food fiesta for me. hahaha! We'll be having BBQ later tonight at house 24, then tomorrow we're probably gonna watch fireworks which I'm not sure where yet and after that there will be usrah plus dinner! Another one will be on Saturday which is the housewarming event at Wingrove! HEHEHE. I'm just gonna wish my tummy a goodluck!

I feel so rajin today, so I think I'm gonna post some photos during our trip to Leeds for the mini tournament! and this will not be in order.

cos we love it this way!

Si Amin yang forever hyper!

BNS! WHUT WHUT!

Courtesy of Hifney HAR & Munirah My

Assalammualaikum! :)

Faith.

2010-10-30T12:26:00.005+08:00

Assalammualaikum and good morning lovely people. As usual, I've been lazy therefore this blog is rarely updated. So, this is the only time that I can feel my blogging vibe whilst blow drying my hair.

Yes, I am that vain. I take pictures of everything that I do okay? hahahaha. Ok, no. Actually I was using my webcam to blow dry my hair just cause my mirror is so far away from my socket, that's why I've been using my webcam as my mirror to blow dry and that's my opportunity to take a picture early in the morninggg. Anywayyyyyyy, that picture shows my morning face. Its now 5 31am. WHY AM I UP THIS EARLY?? Because I'm a street cleaner and I need to clean up the streets at this hour. I need money. Oh my, I'm sorry. I'm lame early in the morning and I can't help it. Ok serious. We're going to Leeds today to support our football team, BNS FC. They're having a mini tournament there, so the Newcastle Society is going there to support! Well, just some of us though. HEHEHE. I'm so gonna sleep in the bus later. Uhm, I don't really have much to say. Just updating!

I miss my family and friends!!

The good times of today, are the sad thoughts of tomorrow.

2010-10-23T01:11:00.003+08:00

talking to the moon.

2010-10-17T08:57:00.006+08:00

I haven't had the urge to blog these past few weeks, due to something something and laziness ofcourse. HEHE. I've been busy with uni and work (which I always do at the last minute), and several outings, and it made me tired and yeah, lazy to even type anything up here. I'm happy that I've finally settled everything in my room and I need to get those energy saving light bulb for my night lamp (yes, I'm using a night lamp cos its TOO DARK, seriously). I tend to be forgetful nowadays, I don't know why. My brain is no no good now. The unfortunate thing is, I'm having Rhinorrhea. It basically means runny nose by the way. hahahaha. I'm just trying to sound abit medically smart, you see. I actually wanted to be a doctor or anything that includes studying about the human minds, body and feelings. I love humans. Why did I take this course again? Should've taken psychology or something and just go back to year 1. I would if I could. Oh well. I will just try my best then.

ANYWAY, it was a happy day yesterday afternoon! We finally played netball and it was sunny and I loved it. It has been cold and rainy, and I jogged last week cos it was sunny but then I got sick after that cos of the really cold weather when we jogged, cos the cold wind literally blew around my body and across my face and I could feel liquid flowing out from my nostril. How nice. But I'm feeling much better now, but this runny nose is really bothering me.

Winter is coming soon, and I am not looking forward to that. Since I got back here, its winter everyday for me. We're probably gonna play for the winter games in London, or probably not. Its still a 50-50 cos it looks like we still don't have that enough players for netball.. Hmm. But itsokay if we don't, cos we'd still get to cheer for the boys in footie! GEORDEEEEEEEEEH!

OK, toodles. I need to get some sleep now :)

Assalammualaikum.

Heart skipped a beat.

2010-10-05T04:34:00.005+08:00

We will never know what's coming up for us. We can either speculate our future or just go with the flow and see what life has to offer. Life is like a roller coaster. All the ups and downs that we're gonna go through, will be able to help us to think wisely and could turn us into mature human beings. Patience has its own limits, so stand on your ground and hold on tight to your own pride. After all, its our feelings that must be put on top of the list. We all need love and happiness in our lives. So, ima get my happiness back.

Let there be sunshine tomorrow.

Assalammualaikum.

inside and out.

2010-09-24T08:56:00.004+08:00

You know, sometimes I think life is treating me unfairly. I've come to a conclusion that life will never be fair. Theres always a reason to it. If its always fair, then we wouldn't be learning all the mistakes in our lives, we wouldn't be stronger each day, we wouldn't think wisely and there would be no adventure! I am always trying to hang on to things, to things that I cherish, that I never think of letting go, ever. But what are you gonna do if you lose that fire?

I am always contemplating hard on to things, just so I won't regret with the decision that I'm going to make. I'm still young, I've got so much more mistakes to be made. hahaha! Til here. I'm just wasting my time to fill out my extra time. I'm off to pick up my cousins! Toodles!

Lets just smile this off! :D

Assalammualaikum.

not to forget!

2010-09-21T12:43:00.003+08:00

(Amal, far left)

Happy 20th Amal Adillah Mahmod! :D

Bagak sudah, berakal tah. Stop looking for someone's bros. HAHAHAHAHA! I love you to bits my grill girl! haha! I see you lateeeeeeeeeeeer! xxx

surrounded by lovelies.

2010-09-21T10:26:00.011+08:00

Meet Pang Ji. The boss of TK kiarong, gangster of half boiled eggs & roti kuning, and the CUTIEZ of BNS. HAHAHA

How was raya if you ask me? Frankly speaking it wasn't that great like I expected. I didn't really expect much tho, but it wasn't as meriah as the raya before if you know what I mean. I think most of you people feels that way too. People only come when theres open houses. Damn, open houses just won't stop this year! Anyway, I know that I'm not getting any younger each year but I know I'm still young at heart cos I still get the green packets! But.....not so much like when I was a kid. Duhh..?

I have prove! We are all still young! :D (Inda tau malu, bagak sudah, especially not me).

Convoy raya with them was great :D.

Not only I received a little bit of the green packets, I gained a little (ALOT) of weight too :). How nice, how perfect. But I'm glad that I could spend raya here in Brunei with all the families and friends since I wasn't able to spend it with them last year. Nothing is better than spending time with them in my home country, really. Alhamdulillah. I know all this will eventually come to an end, I will be going back soon to Newcastle. Time to face the real world! I only have 3 and a half days left to enjoy the heat of Brunei, then I'm off to endure the unexplainable cold weather of not so sunny Newcastle. The weather is alright around this time, dont get me started talking about the weather in November/December cos its just a pain in the bones. On the other hand, I can't wait to go back cos I kinda miss the independence! Since most of my friends are already back there, I kinda miss them now!

..and for sure I'm going to miss all of these special person of mine who's been there for me since FOREVER!

Gonna miss you more MISS SAWAH! hahaha

and I'll miss carrying little Zulaikhaaaaaa! Damn, youre adorable ( liat kaka Nisahnya :) HAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHA! )

Ok, I'm off to shower now. ..and to the friends who I don't get to see when I was here, I'll probably see you next year :). Assalammualaikum.

Suasana Hari Raya, 2010.

2010-09-11T13:32:00.004+08:00

Selamat Hari Raya from BNS! haha enjoyyyyy! CLICK CLICK THIS!

Allahuakbar Allahuakbar.

2010-09-10T00:16:00.004+08:00

Selamat Hari Raya Aidilfitri, Maaf Zahir & Batin to all Muslims :)

But raya this year won't be the same without you nini. Missing your presence.. Gonna visit you tomorrow (:

Al-fatihah.

Assalammualaikum.

Missing your presence.

2010-09-08T00:10:00.007+08:00

5.09.2010

Arwah nenek (Hjh Azizah binti Nawi), 3rd from right.

That picture was taken when I was about to depart to Newcastle. That's the only picture that I have of you when you were healthy. You don't really fancy taking pictures, therefore I don't have so many pictures of you.

Nek, I really miss you. It has already been 4 days since you passed away, and I can't get my mind of your voice, your face, and everything about you. We all miss you. Although you don't really talk much, but you've been there and took care of us since we were little kids. We were all used to having you around. But this time, its different. You've left a really great impact on to our lives. I remember how you used to bring us to the mosque and guide us with reading the Muqaddam to the Quran. You've always supported us in everything and also guide us to be a good person. I am glad that I've spent all my life with you, we all are.

When you were hospitalized, we were all worried. I was confident that you'll be okay soon and we never stopped praying for you. You were never that weak, you were always the healthy one. You were the one who took care of atok when he was unwell, you were the one who drove him around, you were there for him, you picked up the kids from school, you sometimes sent us food.. you were healthy. We didn't expect you to leave so soon, perhaps it was too soon. Tapi kami redha, Allah lebih menyayangimu.

It was always hard to see you smile, but you kinda smile abit in here :).

You don't seem to care when we took pictures of you, cos you always do. Glad that we could talk to you during our last visit and see you smile. I still remember your face during our very last visit, and I didn't want to get off my face of you tho it was really hard for me, for all of us. But I just didn't want to, I need to see you. Dan kau pergi dengan tenang, and the very last time that we saw your face, we saw you smiling..

"Ibu yang telah banyak membimbing anak2 dan cucu2nya ke jalan yang betul.menegur perbuatan yang salah, mendidik dan mengajar agama supaya anak2 dan cucu2 tidak terpesong jauh, menyayangi keluarga walaupun tidak menampakkannya di mata umum, lembut dalam ketegasannya menyampaikan ajaran agama, banyak berkorban untuk keluarga, bersabar dalam menjagai maruah keluarga, bnyk meluangkan masa untuk abah didalam sihat dan sakitnya...Ibu, kau telah pergi meninggalkan kami buat selama2nya tetapi Ibu akan tetap bersama kami walau di mana jua...semoga Allah SWT sentiasa melindungimu wahai ibu..Al-Fatihah"

Fauziah Sani (daughter)

And we wont ever get tired of talking about you, you're really a great person. You will always be a part of us, forever. I know you're still around.. we all miss you nek. Miss you so bad. Raya this year won't be the same without you. I love you nek. Aku rindu nini. ='(

and this song reminds me of nini.

Assalammualaikum.

Al-Fatihah.

Okayy.

2010-09-05T03:25:00.004+08:00

Seriously, I've been away! Been away for too long. Felt long tho, didnt really update. HEHE. Thats cause I was always filled with being a couch potato myself :), and its already September. Hello September!

Things are fine with me if you're wondering, and puasa has been good, alhamdulillah :). Been spending time at TK during my days in Bandar, met up with all the lovely people and just had those everyday hangouts. Raya is coming soon and I'm a tad excited about it since I wasn't here last year. Looking forward for the open houses and more food :). haha. We, the newcastle society, made a raya video during our free time and it was a success I might say, but it cracks me up. But its all gooooood. Stay tune? hahahaha.

In the process of making our video. Eseh, cam si banar. haha

That was after we had our sungkai at Nyonya's with the Newcastle juniors, seniors and friends as well :). Went to Bibi's house for the last recording and it was fun. Havent been playing fire crackers for so long. haha. So I think thats all from me. I'm out of things to say now.

Assalammualikum :)

Have it your way, I have nothing left to say.

2010-08-27T00:11:00.005+08:00

I'm playing a song called Never by JRA on repeat. Been repeating for 11 times now. Somehow this song makes me think, makes me recall about everything that has happened, and it makes me want to blog. haha. I've been lazy to type anything here just cause...I'm lazy? I've been a couch potato the whole week, how exciting can my life be? :)

I feel neutral. Nothing affects my feelings anymore, therefore I feel different. I just feel nothing. Its good because I don't really think that much and I just don't really care. The hopes that I kept tight has eventually been set loose, I gave up on my hope. I know its not good to give up that easily, but when things are not going your way, then its time. Cause it will be such a waste to just hope about the same thing over and over again without any achievements. But things are okay, its fine. Its just that, I don't really feel the way that I used to. I don't feel that... its me. I'll find a way out eventually, I'll get the answers. I know I will, Insya Allah.

I appreciate my life, my well-being for all these years. But sometimes, some things make me feel discontented about my life, which is not good. I will try to appreciate life more and just be happy cos I know my loved ones will always be there for me, no matter what. But.. what is there more to say? Nothing, I guess. What I know is, I miss everything.

Assalammualaikum :)

its your day.

2010-08-26T00:52:00.002+08:00

Happy 21st Birthday babe! ♥

Love you :)

But now I dont care I could go anywhere with you.

2010-08-19T05:04:00.001+08:00

I can't, not love this :)

Pure contentment.

2010-08-16T21:16:00.004+08:00

How I wish we could just turn back time to the days where we felt content and sheer happiness. Well, obviously we can't really do that. Is the time machine a myth? If its not I would love to know where they're selling it. I know wanting the past is not what we should be doing, cos living in the past would not bring you anywhere. But just a little of it could do, some of it perhaps?

"Contentment is what you hope for after the elation has worn off."

Sometimes I think that when people who usually ignores to do anything nice to you and then starts to be nice unexpectedly, its either they want something from you or they're guilty of doing something bad behind your back. Anyway, puasa has been good so far. Good food with good people, and I've been abusing my health by sleeping really late and waking up really late. I haven't been keeping up with the time cos I was always caught up with TV, games and online. I feel obese, but since its puasa..I just feel fat. haha. I need to sleep early this time, NEED TO. But lets just see about that later. HEH HEH HEH.

Assalammualaikum.

Ramadhan :)

2010-08-11T22:06:00.005+08:00

Alhamdulillah, the fasting month is now here. ...and all of a sudden, I just feel at peace :). I'm happy and smiling as if I don't have any problems. All the thoughts and problems seem to be blown away to somewhere that I'd probably not be able to reach it. I love fasting month, it relaxes me. I can't even wait for sahur, I love sahur! I just love having early breakfast with the family, and can't wait to know whats for sahur :) :) :).

Selamat Menyambut Bulan Ramadhan to all Muslims. Semoga amalan kita tahun ini, dapat membawa berkat. Amin Ya Rabbal Al-Amin.

"Apabila datang bulan Ramadhan, dibukakan pintu langit dan ditutup pintu neraka serta dibelenggu segala syaitan."

those memories that you cherish.

2010-08-09T23:48:00.003+08:00

I introduce you to Babah Hifnet and Aidah. Alhamdulillah and congratulations on your engagement day! (8th August, 2010. Sunday). Sorry, I wasn't able to come. I would love to if I could..but then I wasn't free that day. Anyway, I'm really happy for you both! I love seeing this couple, they make me happy! Seriously. haha. I didn't come on their engagement day, so I'll just come on their wedding day, Insya Allah! But that's a must! :)

Not much to say, just so so happy for you both Hifney and Aidah. God bless you both :)

Assalammualaikum.

What is there left to say?

2010-08-02T01:29:00.004+08:00

I guess sometimes you just ran out of interesting things to say. Even the irrelevant ones where you used to banter and laugh about it together. There's just nothing anymore..I guess. You tried to start up a conversation but then you just didn't get the outcome like what you wanted, everytime. Then again, you're left with a complete utter silence with these words playing in your head, scrambling everywhere trying to line up the words carefully and neatly before bursting it out. I guess trying hard will not really do the trick, cause you would just end up being disappointed and whats best to do is to just shut your mouth up, don't say anything at all. The rainbow is starting to fade out little by little, and you kinda miss to look at the bright colours of it.

I do think that I'm starting to get immune with everything now, with my life, how I'm being treated and all that kind of stuff. I don't really take things seriously now since life is not really being serious with me. haha. Ok, you probably don't get what I'm saying..but what I'm trying to say is that you don't always get what you want. So, just let it go and be happy with your life. Tho sometimes thats so hard to do with all the grudges and all.. but try to just go with the flow, put a smile and be happy when something goes out of your way :). Don't forget to pray as well, Insya Allah things will get better.

Assalammualaikum. Cuidados everyone :)

its yo buttday!

2010-07-23T01:05:00.008+08:00

Hai Beyluts! You're probably wondering how I got your picture right here. To tell you the truth.. I'm your stalker since Primary 5! I'm sorry! I have thousands of your pictures. HAHAHA. Kan ku jampi. Ok, you know I'm kidding right (tapi dalam hati siapa tau. HAHAHAHAHAHAH! style lama!) OKAYYY, lets get to the point here!

My girl right here has turned 21! Damn right! youre 21 and old! HAH! You were so small (not that small cos you were taller than us..so panjang :) haha) and just a girl. Look at you now, all grown up and still lovely! I'm just saying this just cos its your birthdayyy okayy! Dont get too hyped up woman. hahaha! Please bring back those Max Benner's desserts when you come back or if by any chance you're coming to UK to visit me :'D :'D. hahaha.

Anyway, I know you are my number one fan and youre obsessed with me cause..

YOU PRINTED OUT MY PICTURE AND STICKED IT ON YOUR WALL!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!! ='8)

HAPPY BIRTHDAY BESTFRIEND!! Love you long time! Stay pretty! xx

lets raise a glass.

2010-07-20T00:22:00.003+08:00

HAI! I've been neglecting this blog for only 5 days? That's not too bad right. I can do better than that! The reason is that I just ran out of things to say. My life now is not being interesting to me..so there is nothing interesting to tell. Unless you want to know about my daily routine, like going to bed really late, waking up really late, going online and just stare at this screen for hours with the TV on where the TV watches me instead. Freaky. OH, to make it more interesting.. I sleepover at Bandar every weekend with my sister :D. Interesting??? No..? hmm sorry. This is what I've been trying to tell you, my life is dull. Not really though.. when my sister, friends or boyfriend is around my days would be like there's no tomorrow! I cherish that moment. But when I'm all alone, I'll be like a hot burning toasted kangaroo. Ok, I don't know why I'm relating myself with a toasted kangaroo, that just popped from my mind. Can a kangaroo actually be toasted?? hahaha. what the hell am I blabbing about?

ANYWAYYYYYYYYYYYY, I miss my long hair. LOOK!

Sorry, its the flash thats making my face so bright and shiny. I'm actually dark like a toasted kangaroo. hahaha ok stop with the kangaroo.

See how long it is. Its getting longer though..abit. Its near my shoulder. Oh well, my hair grows fast so theres no need to worry about a thaaaaaaaaaang. I'm gonna miss my short hair when it grows. haha.

I say bye bye now :). Assalammualaikum.

Remember this day :)

2010-07-14T18:39:00.008+08:00

You're the best thing that ever happened to me. I'm thankful that I have you, and I hope you're too. I'm glad that I still have you here with me, Alhamdulillah.

I love you on this day, and everyday of the year :)

Love,

me.

oh, I miss this! heh.

I miss you everyday, all day.

2010-07-12T23:30:00.001+08:00

I'd like to squeeze you right now.

Deuces.

2010-07-08T14:01:00.003+08:00

anisah's daily life.

2010-07-07T18:19:00.003+08:00

HOW EXCITING IS THIS???? :D :D :D.

Ok, I was being sarcastic. Its not exciting at all. I am pretty jobless all the time. HEWHEWHEW. Seriously, the laptop has been my bestfriend forever and ever since I got back. I have no life. We just can't seem to be separated from each other. Oh if you're wondering what's inside the container, according to my sister its keropok ubi yang padas padas sikit atu. NYAMAN! :). I think I'm PMS-ing because I can't stop munching. I think I need a book to read just so my days would be less uninteresting.

With my days that's full of free time, I tend to think about a lot of things. I need something to do, PRONTO! Oh, I passed all my modules by the way. Alhamdulillah :). Hello 3rd year.

Assalammualaikum.

maafkan, aku tak sempurna.

2010-07-04T23:55:00.007+08:00

I just had a random thought in my head.

Looking at those posted pictures of people getting married, smiling with their loved ones, sitting side by side.. looking at each other with those intense yet loving look.. makes me think that I want to get married... someday. Not now. Please, okay. hahaha. Is it too early for me to say such things?

I.. don't think so. I've always wanted to get married when I was a little kid. Don't you? It's not that I want to be married at this time, future planning is good bah :). Its just a matter of finding your perfect prince charming who you can depend on, who can treat you well and accept you as it is. Well, of course there will be no perfect prince charming your knight in shining armour shit. But when you love that someone and he's the only person who makes your heart beat faster.. then you got your perfect one. Cliché much? mhmm :). Excuse me for this thought of mine. I guess I'm just growing older year by year. Yikes!

SOOOOOOO, I wonder who's my prince charming knight in shining armour that'll be sitting on that decorated stage next to me will be! haha

hey there, July (:

2010-07-01T11:20:00.003+08:00

I noticed that my post have been so dull and distressing. I apologize for that. Those days were just trying to make me realize how life can be a bitch to you at times without you even noticing it, really. Plus, I was missing the boyfriend. I've got nothing much to say, but all I know is I feel happy for yesterday cause I finally get to see him. Alhamdulillah.

mi sento felice :).

The facts.

2010-06-29T21:58:00.003+08:00

I hate the fact that you ...

I hate the fact that they ...

I hate the fact that she ...

I hate the fact that he ...

I just hate it ...

But I love how ...

Yeah.

I dreamt a bad dream last night, was not really fond of it. I've also been dreaming about things.. the same thing but with different people in it with one person related to it for 3 days straight. I don't know why. I never had this kind of dream that comes continuously day by day. Its kind of cool though. haha. I can be a little superstitious sometimes but that's obviously not really good, but yeahh. I don't really wanna think about it anyway, just hoping that it stays as a nightmare and nothing more. Maybe I'm just being paranoid, no? heh. OR MAYBEEEEEEEEEEEEEE.. ok, shut up.

haha. I adore these two! Cos that's the way we eat them chocolates.

and so I stopped caring.

2010-06-24T23:31:00.003+08:00

Could we even stop caring about something? I'm trying to not even care, I'm trying to be ignorant but I just can't seem to do that. Believe me, its hard. At some point, when something just hit me hard randomly, and that happens gazillion times.. it made me to even care less, slowly. I don't think this is healthy..but oh well.

so bad it hurts and I'm tired, really.

Tell me its real.

2010-06-21T23:33:00.002+08:00

I don't suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it!

2010-06-20T23:50:00.004+08:00

And this is where I will start blabbing about nonsensical stuff that you probably wouldn't even understand yourself and nor would I. Because I am just dead bored that I feel like I'm dying, suffocating from this unexplainable disease called the boredemisicalitism disease. I am really bored that I could actually jump off from the balcony and shout "I'M SO.." (I don't have the time to say "DEAD BORED" cos I probably would land on the head before I could even say it cos the balcony is not that high. HEHE). Yes, I am really imaginative in a gory way when I'm bored. Excuse me for that, but please accept for who I am. I think I'm artistic like that. mhmm. haha.

You know, I actually have books to read that I bought but I feel lazy to take it from my room and I don't feel like reading today. I stopped typing for a few minutes there. I think I don't have anything to say here! HEHEHEHEHEHEHEHOHOHOHOHOHOH.

Yo, sup' sup'? Jubur mu berasap yo.

Dictionary time:

Boredemisicalitism disease - A disease that I made up. ( Sorry lorry strawberry.. :( )

It.

2010-06-17T22:15:00.004+08:00

Just when I'm about to give up and thought things through, there comes it knocking on my door at the last minute, giving a smile on my face with reassurance that everything will be fine. But when everything goes well, there goes it walking again out of my door leaving me to dread. The moment of happiness happens just only for a split second leaving me with all these doubts and insecurities as if they're gonna stay there eternally.

Signs were everywhere, I saw it, I felt it but then I can't seem to articulate to it, I just completely shut down and let myself endure whatever it is that I had to endure. Its those little things that could easily soothe me, no matter what. That is my weakness. I don't know what's all this. Is it trying to tell me to just pull it together and not give up? or otherwise. I'm not so sure myself. After what had happened, I don't even know if the truth ever existed.

Never been better :)

2010-06-15T16:44:00.016+08:00

..and ready to go!

Though I'm feeling a little bit exhausted, sick and jet lag, the urge to blog about this is inevitable to me because I'm feeling all excited and happy, and that's because I AM BACK HOME IN BRUNEI DARUSSALAM! Can't believe that I'm back, after 9 months of being away from my family and friends, 9 months of being away from my home, room, bed and everything nice.

The long tedious 16+ hours flight from London to Brunei was of course tiring. All I did was watched a movie, slept, ate, movie, slept, ate and sat the wholeeeeeeee day, and two times trip to the toilet. I felt really obese. hahaha. and I think I'm sick cos of that, hmm. The first thing I heard when I arrived was that, "Mikin bulaaaaaaaat juaaa" OR "Mikin berisiiiiiiii" OR "Mikin sihaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat" OR "Pipi atu mikin berisiiiiiiiiiiiiii" as in GAMUK JUA KAU! hahahaha. Yes, I've been gaining weight over there, no doubt about that and I expected earlier that people would say all those things to me. At least I'm ready just so I won't get depress or anything, and slit my wrist or jump off the window because people say I'm fat. haha.

London with the Kinky statue.

Daus, Wan, Nazeem, Mann at London Heathrow, Terminal 4!

The first thing I ate was murtabak with chicken curry! Loved it! Was craving for it since forever, so there I got it and I was happy though I was feeling a bit full and obese from all those meals in the airplane. It was gooooooooooooooood, really gooooooooooood and worth it! Oh, I hope I still know how to drive. Okay, random. That just popped from my mind. I'll be damned if I don't. Inda apa, I have my friends. Hai preeeeeeeengsssss :) :) :) :) :) :). hahahaha.

Saya dan mama saya.

Mine, all mine!

Everyone is back home early today from work! Niceeeeeeeeeee :D. I need to list out things that I need to do here.

Need to lose weight! (Seriously, I do).
Need to cut some of my hair.
In need of a massage (and that'll be later! :D :D).
Must go out with the lovely bestfriends and sister.
Need to drive around here for abit (practice makes perfect. hahaha)
Avoid chocolates, except for weekends (NAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT!)
Relaxxxxxxxxx and enjoy home! :) :) :)

HOME HOME HOME! :D

Okayyy, I'm sleepy again.

P/S: Loving the weather here! ....for now. haha. but yknow what sucks here? The internet!

and so I say..

2010-06-09T08:32:00.006+08:00

I just don't get it why I love to stay in my room the whole day instead of hanging out with the guys downstairs. Call me anti-social. I don't know, I think I prefer to be in my room doing basically....nothing. Sometimes I would just sing my heart out, wandering off.. thinking. You know.. doing my own thaaaaaaaaaang. haha. I've run out of books to read. I would want to go down but then again, my body is already stuck here on my bed and I am lazy to even move an inch, except for my fingers though. So here I am living the life of my own. If I were to go downstairs, I know I would just end up looking at them playing games, or maybe just listening to them singing in the kitchen and breathe in the air full of tobacco's smell, and talking crap with each other. So I think I'll skip, plus I'm tired. Maybe tomorrow.

I think I'm sick cause my voice sounds like I have a sinus. I hope I won't get really sick tomorrow cos we played netball in the rain today, and my head was aching before that. But I showered just right after I got back, so I think I'm good. Oh talking about netball, we went to Manchester on Sunday to watch the Soccer Aid at Old Trafford. Watching a football match live at the stadium was AMAZINGLY AWESOME! It was England versus The Rest of The World Match. Mike Myers was there to play too. Mike Myers? Seriouslyyy?? ahahaha. HERE'S the link of the players who played :)

I am not really a fan of football or even Manchester United, but then I was really excited when we were in Old Trafford. I mean, its Old Trafford, you don't always get to go there. Its been there before I was even born, and football celebrities played there and YEAH. We toured Old Trafford the next day, and I just can't explain how exhilarated I felt when I was in the Stadium. The view was amazing, and so I was happy. Yes, I am easily excited and I made the boyfriend jealous because I get to go there and watch football live at the stadium and he didn't :) :). haha

Damn right I've been there! More on FACEBOOK.

Shit, I just remembered I need to check my Uni email! Then I'm off to sleep.

KTHNXBAI.

Now, its just hellos and byes.

2010-06-05T17:54:00.005+08:00

I slept quite late yesterday, okay I'd say this morning.. slept around 5am cos Tiqah and Wan were here hanging out in my room having conversations. mhmm. And its 11am now, woke up around 10am plus and can't go back to sleep I don't know why, I'm wide awake and I can feel my eyes burning, my heart weakening but I just can't shut this god damn eyes of mine. So basically, I just had 5 hours sleep which is not enough for me since its the holiday.

Maybe cos I think alot. I try not to care too much and just have my own fun, but I just can't do that, not all the time. I just don't have the heart to. It is always easy for people to ask and say things to us, to behave in a certain way, but I am just not willing to do that, just because. I'm not trying to be proud of myself but I just think that I'm too patient with all things, and too nice. I'm too indolent to even go ballistic in certain things because I think its a waste of my energy to go crazy and be mad about something that has happened? Instead I'd just sulk and brood, and just suck my happiness the hell out of me. haha. Ok that's a little bit too much. But will always try hard to laugh around and be happy though. I'm not saying I never get mad, I do but it just doesn't feel right to get really angry sometimes. Going ballistic rarely happen to me, but once it happens.. I don't know. I'm not perfect. haha. But I'm glad with the way I am, Alhamdulillah.

Some people just take advantage to that sometimes, and when I give them their space, they seem to abuse that freedom. Sabar saja? :). I can't even seem to comprehend what's wrong and what's right, what's real and what's not. I want to type more because I have a lot in mind right now but I'm worried that I'll end up with talking crap.

So bye bye now. Assalammualaikum.

When all I hear now is just bullshit.

2010-05-30T21:08:00.003+08:00

I’ve read a book called ‘The Secret’ and its basically about being positive and believing that you can achieve what you want to achieve in life and all that. It is a good book I might say because it helps you to gain your confidence and be successful. But I read the book halfway because I get what they’re trying to say, like BELIEVE, BELIEVE, BELIEVE in being successful and stop thinking negative. Maybe there’s more but nehh, I’ll read when I want to.

That book has hypnotized me and it made me believe and I applied to what they told me, by being positive about everything. I’ve turned into this freaking positive person where I take things so lightly and being positive in everything, believing that everything and anything will be alright just as long as you believe and stay positive. Yes, it worked, thank you. But then I felt like I am just living in my own positive world where I didn’t even notice that this world where I’m staying now is full of lies, craps, bullshits, deceits and all that shitty stuff. It disgusts me.

For now, being positive will not work for me when all the angst is slowly building up in me. But will try to stay positive in some stuff and yeah. Cos’ you just don’t know when life is trying to be against you, it’s unexpected. But I will still try hard to pull a curve with my lips. That will do. Welcome to reality, bitch.

Mama :)

2010-05-30T08:15:00.003+08:00

Happy Birthday Mama! I love you always and forever :).

Mama's birthday was yesterday tho, was away so didn't get to post this up. hehe. Ok, I'm a tad jealous cos I didn't get to join them makan makan with my mom on her birthday. But oh well, I'll be back soon. SEE YOU GUYS IN JUNE! :D

Oh, Portsmouth was great! I had a great time with sayang. Thats all I can say :)

I turned white to purple.

2010-05-19T04:10:00.004+08:00

Assalammualaikum. Hai, Hello! What's up? :)

I am officially free from the tedious lectures, seminars, and brain cracking assignments! For now. Goodbye 2nd year and hello summer holiday! :D. My freedom starts today and the last assignment was due today. DAMN I feel more relax! But I'm feeling the tension on what's the outcome is going to be. I hope all those sleepless nights paid off because seriously, my sleeping pattern went upside down. Cos when everyone was asleep we were awake in the library, and when the sun came up we went back home and that's when we had our rest, and the pattern goes on and on. I am not confident though of getting good grades cos I kinda did it at the last minute and that explains the sleepless upside down sleeping pattern, but of course I'm hoping for one. At least a pass could do.

I almost felt demotivated and on the verge of breaking down where I almost gave up, cos when I was about to finish my assignment today, I thought I saved it in my pen drive. But I know I saved it. Then when I opened up my file, I was in total shock to find out that half of what I did were gone. IT WAS GONE! I didn't know what to do cos I was in anger and a feeling of disappointment and giving up built up in me. But then I suddenly thought what I always keep in mind that Allah will never give me a burden that I cannot carry. So then I started to put myself together and had to do it all over again, which I felt a bit shaky at that time when doing it cos I was in a little bit of frustration. haha emooo. But shit, that's the least thing that I want to ever happen. I need to remind myself that next time, save it in your U drive!

I have more in mind but I'm feeling exhausted, I hadn't have enough sleep today cos I was awaken by the sound of Mann singing in the kitchen. haha. and I need to clean my room, pronto! It looks.... blergh. & I think I'm going off to bed early today cos I have an early day tomorrow. Heading down to Portsmouth, jumpa Sayang :).

Til here.

everyday with a smile.

2010-05-15T01:42:00.004+08:00

..and then I smiled today when I saw my favourite picture of us.

Its so easy missing you, cos you're going through my head a million times a day.

every moment counts, 10 months of memories and still going strong. Alhamdulillah :)

I love you babe.

Mamaku.

2010-05-09T12:43:00.004+08:00

Its 5 45 am and I'm currently still in the library, and obviously awake. I wouldn't be typing if I was asleep right? Unless if I'm sleep typing, unconsciously typing, typing while I'm asleep.. OKAY, I know I'm blabbing right now because my mind is really knackered at the moment. We tried to call the taxi but they didn't pick up.. so my friend decided to continue to study for abit while waiting. While me.. I'm blogging cos I'm done with my assignment! 1 down 2 more to go! Well, I'm left with a little bit more of referencing. Oh my goodness. And the sun is up. I should be dreaming by now. ACTUALLY, this is not what I wanna post about. I'm really trying to get myself straight and get to the point but my mind is just all over right now. I tried to search for some nice mother quotes but I gave up half way cos I got bored and tired of scrolling down. What the hell right. So here it goes.

You've always been a great, caring, loving, understanding woman. You raised us well, you feed us good, you've sacrificed alot for us. Most of all, you cook the best meal! I really don't know what to say anymore, cos my mind is really tired ma. Sorry :(. Happy mama's day to you. I love you so much!

Rindu mama and masakan mama :(.

P/S: Aku minum redbull tadi sekali aku hyper! BYE.

Unite.

2010-05-08T07:34:00.003+08:00

I know that I am no one to talk about God or religion as I am not that religious in some way. But what I do know is I have faith in my religion, Islam. Its interesting how I feel so much closer to Allah and thinking more about my practice of Islam, than when I was back in my own country. I think its because living here, we can actually distinguish between what's wrong and what's right cos of our own beliefs with our own people and their people here, its really distinct. Where as in Brunei, everyone is mostly Islam and we act in the same way, so we tend to not take this kind of thing seriously. "I speak for myself before I speak for others", quoted from Aidah. haha. But yeahh. I know where I stand, but am I going to pursue in some depth about this? I hope so I will, Insya Allah.

Today is our last day of Usrah with Aidah, I think. Cos she'll be finishing this year. I'm going to miss her. I thank her for making this Usrah happen, and encouraging us to join in every week, listening to really useful information that we hadn't known ourselves and what we should've known. It made me to be a more better person than I was, and it made us even closer with each other, the bond that we have now is really.. how should I say this delicately? ..Intimate. HM, I think thats the word? But yeah, I'm really grateful of our sisterhood and brotherhood. TOGETHER WE UNITE! haha.

I love it here, tho the weather sucks. Its supposed to be spring and sunny but mostly it feels like winter! What the hell right. Oh well, at least I have great people living here that gives sunshine everyday. hahaha corny. I know my post here is like contradicting with my last post with the appealing half naked guy posted right there.. but yeahh.. I HAVE MY OWN DESIRES TOO OKAY! HAHA. Assalammulaikum :).

senyum.

2010-05-06T23:09:00.005+08:00

Aku rasa happy because I finally shopped :'). After one long month or I think its two months. hmmm. It feels quite long. I know its not such a big deal that I shopped, but I finally shopped! Just a pair of jeans tho, and I really need it. HEHE. I have been restraining myself from spending money on unnecessary (but I still think its necessary) things like clothes, shoes and etc. I've become paranoid since the incident when I was really broke and I had to starve myself to death, I was dying.. okay, maybe I'm way too melodramatic but yeah. Yknow what I mean?

mmmm..

...sorry I got distracted. Anywayyyyyyyyyyy, yeah where was I? Oh, I was trying to save my money last two months, I DIDN'T shop AT ALL. Well, accept for groceries and food. But no clothes or all that stuff. I'm proud of myself. It is a good thing that I didn't shop or else I would end up on the streets. Give me a pat on the back for not shopping :). Cause yknow, when I shop, I'll end up shopping like crazy and its called impulse buying. Yeah, thats the word. The shops here are like OMAGAD! & I'm glad that I ended up just buying one stuff or else...

Bah I'm off to steam some chicken! :D

I was meant for you, and you were meant for me :)

2010-05-05T21:20:00.004+08:00

Busy week.

2010-05-04T08:26:00.003+08:00

I'm starting to think that studying in Newcastle is a good choice. With all the great people living here which I declare them as my second awesome family, great food, great activities, random gatherings and hangouts...how can I not love it here? I really do feel like home, its really great. At the same time I feel lucky cos we have this Usrah every Friday night, which is kind of like Ceramah but more to discussions between us. It helps me to understand more about being a Muslim, and just by listening to all those different topics that has been given every Friday night helps me to see the sight of life. I'm not trying to brag or anything but I feel good about myself because in Brunei I don't really go or listen to Ceramah, but look where I am now. I love the fact that they do this in Newcastle, and it helps me to be a more better person than I was, Alhamdulillah. Our senior, Aidah gives us this Usrah every Friday night..so credits to her :).

Though I'll be busy but I think I'd still come for Friday cos being a uni student is a really hard work, everyday is hectic. Same goes to the one who's working. We tend to get tired afterwards, and all the leisure time seems to be out of your list for now because you're too busy with your work and you have an anti-social stamped on your forehead (tho its not there, but you feel as if its really there). I still remember what Aidah told us when we were busy and its stuck in my head after that..

"If you make time for Allah, Allah will make time for you."

Now back to work! Assalammualaikum.

Favourite quote of the day.

2010-05-01T09:59:00.002+08:00

"Good life starts only when you stop wanting one." - Unknown

Oh yeah.

2010-04-28T06:39:00.008+08:00

I really didn't expect being here would be so much of a big difference. The life here is really aberrant and it made me to clearly comprehend about what people are really talking about..about life, relationships, friendships and most of all; REALITY. We pretty much live in a really messed up world right now. Its really blundered that the things that we do doesn't really mean that much to us, it doesn't really give us the impact that we should get. We just don't want to care anymore and we care less day by day thinking that its really not a big deal. But alas, it actually is and some people out there do care and have problems about it.

We get close with new people, we build the bridge of trust with each other and tell things that we usually tell our sisters or best friends. We listen to everything what they have to say, we give advices and keep everything between ourselves. We treat them as our family and we care about each and everyone's feelings. Well, that's basically me. I listen, I give advices when they need one and let them deal with everything on their own after that. But then some people just can't accept the fact about certain things that looks unacceptable to them, and they would ask someone to tell them straight to the face about it. As for me, I just can't do that. Cos' it's their life and I think that I don't have the privilege to, though I know it's wrong but... yeah. I don't know what to say or do any more. I just couldn't care less. Everything is just going out of place now. Told you, its a really messed up world.

But I'm good. Its warm today and I'm happy :)

Lalala :)

2010-04-23T07:24:00.003+08:00

Hello. I had dinner at LAU'S 202 just now with my friends and I totally broke my promise to not eat chocolates for a week or so. It was not really a promise, it was just what I said to myself .. to restrain myself from eating sweet stuffs like those tempting chocolates and all that chocolatey stuff. Well, in fact I am actually proud of myself because I didn't eat my Easter egg cadbury chocolate that my friend gave me, which I put it on my table in my room. I was really tempted to eat it the other day because I was bored...(yeah, when I'm bored I tend to look for junks?), but then I didn't. I told myself to hold on and thought about something else like Chad Michael Murray naked. hahaha. It was a really hard 30 mins for me to hold on to something like that. Its chocolate... hello...? Okay so yeah, lets give me a pat on the back for that :). Oh, maybe eating at LAU'S could be like an award for me kan? There was a chocolate fountain at LAU'S and it was awesomely mentally physically hella good because its not just chocolate, theres WHITE CHOCOLATE! WHITE CHOCOLATE! Yeahhhhhhhhhhhhh. RACUN EH RACUN!

Oh, and had Subway too before LAU'S. haha! Hey, dont judge me first. I didn't really eat during lunch okay, so I was really hungry then my friend texted cos he was craving for Subway and I was too.. sooooo we had Subway! It was goooood I tell you. This is my first time eating Subway in Newcastle because it was hard for us to look for the Halal Subway, and they just opened the Halal ones near our place in Fenham 3 weeks ago, thats why I'm all excited. There's also another Halal Subway around Gateshead but its kinda far, I think. Yettah.. Sampai muak jua kan makan Subway. HATO BANAAAAA.

Anywayyyyy, I'm doing good. You? :)

2010-04-15T19:50:00.002+08:00

"When all is said and done, you are part of me. That's the way its meant to be. People are brought together for a reason, everything happens for a reason. I believe the reason that you and me were brought together was because we complete one another. And if someday God decided to tear us apart, I trust that there is a reason. Cause if there is a reason for love, there is a reason for life beyond it."

Eh, macam siuk ada tumbler.

9thsary :)

2010-04-14T20:50:00.002+08:00

I love you. From the tips of your toes, to the top of your head.

light up a fire.

2010-04-14T02:36:00.000+08:00

DAMNIT! I miss the old times :(

Hey ma, whats up?

2010-04-07T19:12:00.003+08:00

Assalammualaikum. Hello. Bonjour J

Yes, I’ve been away but I don’t think you care that much anyway (GOD MY OO, that rhymes!). The reason for that is I’m on my Easter holiday and there’s so much going on such as late night hangouts and more late night hangouts. Haha. These past few days have been fun and incredible I guess because people from other places came non-stop to Newcastle. Aliff was here last week and finally get to meet him after 3 monthsJ. Met him at Nottingham during the Easter games and was excited when I saw him passed the netball court, then talked for awhile cos he can’t be too long due to a footy match that he has to catch, and he followed us back home to Newcastle. So yeahhhh. Oh, we lost by the way during the Netball tournament. Haha. When we played during the early morning, we lost big time, but then in the evening around 3pm+, we won most of the game pasal YATAH UDAH TIMENYA TU! Hahahahaha inside joke. Ok, let me elaborate...cos our netball practice usually starts around that time so that’s why we were full of energy. So yeahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh, ok bye.

BNS FC! Family cute is an inside joke, but we used it most of the time. hahaha.

Friends from Keele came after Aliff went back on the day itself and other friends from Keele will be coming soon after around the 12^th or 14^th I think. MHMM. I really enjoyed the past few days because there were a lot of people coming into the house non-stop, had the really late night hangouts talking about whatever. Originally there’s only 3 people living here, but now it’s more than 3 living under one roof, and I find it great! That’s why I love holidaysJ.

I have this back pain on the left side near my butt. It hurts when I sit down too long so I had to lie down most of the time feeling fat at the same time. Gahhh, I’m putting on holiday weight thank you. I think cos I’m not sitting on a proper chair pasal at the moment I’m sitting on my bed and its hurting now. I have to sit here to get a connection because currently our internet is not working so we have to use the internet next door which sucks most of the time cos I always get disconnected. I’m not saying the connection next door sucks, it’s just we are living here, and the internet lives next door so the connection is not that good. Yknow what I mean? Hahahaha.

I cannot wait to go back home and see the sun (:

Feels like home.

2010-03-23T07:20:00.011+08:00

Despite the homesickness and being far away from home, I really had a great birthday. Though there was no party, barbecue or whatever that people do during birthdays, like what we did back home..the people here made it special. They surprised me in advance with a card which I find hilarious and a pretty necklace from Tiqah and Deco. The next day, they surprised me with a chocolate cake baked by Kiki and Tiqah with the name 'THAILAND' on top. Yes, I'm being called Thailand instead of my name and I'm cool with it. Well, one of my housemate call me by that name and the rest call me by my own name. Sekali it was a chocolate cake which was really really scrumptious! Banaaaaar, Kiki bakes good cakes and cookies :D. And they gave me another card with a naked sexy guy inside, and the next day the people from 72 Dilston gave me a card as well... andddd another present which is a box of heels which I have been eyeing on since I don't know when from Tiqah and Deco again. I AM REALLY THANKFUL for what they had done for my birthday to make me feel like home. I'm grateful I have this kind of family in Newcastle :). and thats why my birthday was awesome.

It has been 4 hours, but I'm still feeling a little bit blur from my sleep. I kept dozing off every 10 seconds in lectures today. I tried to keep myself awake, and believe me it was not easy. I was really tired from netball practice, and I slept quite late cos I had to do my work and so thats what happened. I blame myself for that though, cause I should've just gone home and take my shower after netball but then I went to my friend's to hangout and have dinner for abit cause there was no one at home. HOHO.

Anyway, I've been active in netball lately. EXCUSE ME? ME? NETBALL? Yeah, I know I know. I was never active in netball when I was in high school, except during P.E which was when I was in FORM 3?? and that was like what, 4-5 years ago?? I didn't even join the netball team. But look where I am now, joining the Brunei Newcastle netball team and participating for the Easter game in Nottingham. We just had a friendly match in Bradford last Saturday and I think that we did good. On that day itself was my birthday and I don't want to be a smug or whatever, but my team mates said that I played really well that day and its something that I'm proud of cause I suck during practice. haha. Well, everyone improved from all those intense practice and training :). Good job everyone. I know I'm not the one who plays and joins in this kind of sport, cause I don't really have the confidence to play. But they dragged me into it and every time spent in those practices makes it even more addictive. I admit, I like netball. ITS FUN!

BNS

Saya tidur now :)

youmetwoofus.

2010-03-15T00:10:00.004+08:00

Happy 21st birthday to my boy! and he's spending his birthday doing work. mhmm. NICE! Hope you had a great birthday in Southampton. Ill be seeing you soon, love. I cannot wait :). andddddd happy anni to us. Love you berabis berabis!

Love,

Anisut.

I miss all the little things,
I never thought that they'd mean everything to me,
Yeah, I miss you and I wish you were here.

all smiles.

2010-03-08T08:47:00.005+08:00

I don't know what just happened to me today. I think its the hormones cos I was feeling blue all day and slow and some other stuff that I'm still clueless about, and I wonder why and.......... yeah. I hope tomorrow would be a good day for me. Amin.

sigh.

the sun.

2010-03-03T07:27:00.006+08:00

I tend to observe people when I'm alone, bored, or lets just say when I don't really focus and in my own world. I think its interesting to observe people on what other people are doing, the tiny little steps that they make, the movements of their body, the way they talk, the way they laugh, the way they smile, the way they dress, the clothes they they're wearing, the moles on their faces, ...okay I sound like a freak now. I'm just a little too observant sometimes. Oh, please don't be scared to be friends with me. I'm not observing to judge people on what they wear or do or anything, its just that I find it interesting to watch at a random person doing what they are doing and let my wild imaginations to go in depth about it, it kills my boredom sometimes. TEEHEE.

I was supposed to read a book today, but that didn't happen. Since I know that tomorrow I'll be free from lectures, so I'm just slacking my ass off right here doing god knows what and this is not good. But I do need a break from reading those tedious books and enjoy my own free time doing nothing interesting :). and I find the lectures for Finance totally useless. erghh. I cant wait for the second lecturer to lecture because I think hes more entertaining. I'm very sleepy so I'm off to sleep.

Hello Bed, mama's coming.

kami.

2010-02-28T05:44:00.005+08:00

haha kami cali.

He doesn't want me to show these pictures to the whole world but I don't care. Pasal kami cali and corny and aku rinduuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu moments spent with him.

and I MISS HIM SO MUCH RIGHT NOW! EASTEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEER. (:

YOU

2010-02-24T06:13:00.001+08:00

MAKE ME WONDER.

BruManch Talentime 2010.

2010-02-23T04:25:00.010+08:00

and so I went to Manchester on 19th of February to watch the BruManch talentime the next day. I gotta admit the performances were awesome. Especially the students from Hull, their performances were entertaining with a mix of humor. They even got a standing ovation after their performances, and yes they won 1st place. Aliff performed as well with his band, and their performance was great too and they won 2nd place for group performance. Other bruneian students were great as well! Congrats to the students who won :D.

I went to Manchester with my partner in crime, Tiqah. Our journey was........ Id say interesting, tiring and annoying? Okay first, we had to stand in the train for an hour because our seat was taken and the train was packed, most of the people had to stand. Thank god we only had to stand for an hour. & secondly, we had 1 change of train from York to Manch. The train from Newcastle got delayed, so when we arrived in York we had to run to catch the train on time. That was tiring and annoying at the same time because I was carrying my luggage and it slowed me down abit. But we managed to be on the train tho and the door closed as soon as we stepped in the train. PHEW! THEN, on a Sunday which is the day that we went back to Newcastle, our seat was taken by these two noisy middle-old aged men which acted like kids and they were really seriously annoying. Nasib their stop was 10 mins later cause we cant really stand them being there. After that our train stopped at Leeds because there was a problem with the train so we had to use a bus to go back, and we had to wait for half an hour. I think it was almost an hour. It was a 2 hours trip, and we arrived back home around 2am. I skipped lectures :). haha. Dont judge me! I was really tired. So yeahhh. It was a hell of a trip. Oh, and thanks to Izzah for letting us stay at her place and showed us around Manchester and brought us to Thai Banana for lunch. It was a buffet and IT WAS AMAZING. Macam di Brunei yooooooooooooo! hahaha.

Gila, aku becerita.

Tiqah & Izzah

Jimmy!

vocalist from Alif Band. OMG!! *kipas muka* HAHA!

Ok, aku ngaleh sudah. More on MUKABUKU!

Rocket.

2010-02-19T02:24:00.006+08:00

You're like a rocket in my mind,
Waiting to define everything about me, no one knew.
You're like a poster on my wall, Sticking don't wanna fall.
As if you don't wanna move.

I got no money in my pocket, nobody to rock with but you.
but you know me I don't seem to roll,
Somehow we managed to get through.

Sayonara.

2010-02-15T19:37:00.003+08:00

This post is dedicated to Nabilah Abdullah whos flying off to Brisbane today, and I think shes in the aeroplane now sleeping like a monkey or eating or watching a movie, or crying thinking about ME. HAHA. Ndabah.

Ive been so far away from her and the girls for 6 months now, and yes I miss them so much. But I'm getting used to it because I know I'm gonna meet them soon. But now, Beyla is going off to further her studies in Brisbane, and the fact that I will not be seeing her when I'm coming back makes me feel so sad and I miss her even more. Its even sadder that I wasnt there to send her off and hug her! Dut, I miss you eh. I don't know what to say, I am speechless. Mar is flying off soon too! blerghhh. You both suck :( haha. But I wish you all the best over there and dont forget to nudge me! haha. You would do great, make your parents and everyone proud and shop around for me. wuhoo. hahahaha. See you when I see you!

I LOVE YOU!

:)

2010-02-15T01:52:00.003+08:00

Long months.

2010-02-14T19:23:00.005+08:00

'My heart I want to ask you:
What is LOVE? Tell me.'
'Two Souls with just one thought,
Two hearts with just one beat.'

- The sun of the wilderness; Halm, Friedrich

No thousand words could explain how much I miss you right now.

I love you babe.

Delta Force.

2010-02-14T06:29:00.010+08:00

Location: Cramlington
Journey: 12 mins (from Newcastle Trainstation), 5 mins by bus to Delta Force.
Paintball session: 10am - 4pm
Pictures: Copy paste from facebook. hahaha

Paintball was AWESOME!

Yes, it was great fun and I'm excited sampai aku update today jua. We had paintball just now by the way. Thanks to the event organizers (Deco & Jimmy) for organizing paintball for BNS, in order to celebrate Brunei's National day in advance. Since National day falls during the weekdays so everyone will be busy, and if we make it next week some of us will not be available cos some of us are going to the BruManch.. so that explains why we celebrated it in advance by having a shooting people on the crotch event :). haha! We even sang the national anthem before the mission, pasal kami awesome. hahahah apakan. Thats how proud we are to be Bruneians okay! Oh, how I miss Brunei.

This is my first time paintball-ing, so I was all ecstatic and ready to shoot whoever it is under that helmet. But I got shot a few times tho, and I kinda cheated by rubbing off the paint from my coverall and continued shooting! HAHA! Malas tah ku hingauuuuts. When will I ever get the opportunity to shoot people again huh huh?? And we were all stinky on the way back home because we were all covered with mud, it was a hardcore paintball session. My white sport shoes became chocolatemud sport shoes. How nice, & I got bruises and I think thats all cos I'm tired. Ima watch a movie now :).

Happy faces :)

From clean white to THIS!

Awesome commandos!

Credits to Mun & Hifney. More on pesbuuuuk!

2010-02-09T01:09:00.003+08:00

Happy 21st Birthday to my lovely bestfriend, Citra! :D. Sorry, can't be there to celebrate your birthday with you, but I'm always there in your heart. HAHAHAHAHAHA apakan memmmmbarigali. You're tua now, so think wisely before you make any decisions, yes? :) SI TUHA! ahahaha nadawah. I love youuuu bispring. :D

Lots of love from, Newcastle.

p/s: yes, aku curi gambarmu from facebook. mengapakan? KELAIE KELAIE?? hahaha.

let me do the talking.

2010-02-08T02:13:00.007+08:00

I have two problems and I feel like I'm not being myself lately. I've been feeling so low nor have I been at my utmost behaviour.. most of the time. But I'm trying to keep myself happy and cheerful in most occasions just so no one notices. The impact from it had made me to act like this, even worse when I found out about something that I shouldnt have. I don't know whats wrong with me. I know I shouldn't do what I did, but I just can't resist, and it got me thinking and thinking and it hurts me. How stupid is that? Even if I say something about it, would I be listened to? I don't think so. I've been doing that alot of times but it didn't work. Sometimes I feel so envious and intimidated, and it got me thinking.. what do they have that I don't? Am I not enough? Don't I make you happy? Did they?

I know being envious is not a good thing, but how am I supposed to get rid of this feeling? How can I avoid it? I hate this. I'm not always like this. It has always been so vague and sometimes I feel like I don't have the qualities that they have. I know that they were given special treatments, and the special little things that could make one self feel special.. and I found out that I don't really get that and I don't feel special sometimes. It hurts to think about it but I just can't avoid it, yknow. Have I not given enough? I want to say it, say it out loud.. but I don't think it would do any good? So here I am, letting it all out and just let me endure whatever it is until I stop caring about it and I don't know when that would happen.

For now, advices won't do any good because I know it would be the same advice over and over again. Everything is all up to me and the other person. Everything is on my mind and it is up to me to control it. So, I'm trying hard. My confidence has gone to a really low level right now, and I need to get it back up. Fuck this, you know?

Lets just put on a blind eye, shall we?

oh btw, Jimmy Choo's heels that keeps on appearing on facebook advertisements on the right side.. are fabulous. I want one.

don't give up.

2010-02-05T07:48:00.003+08:00

I feel BLAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGHHHHHHHHH GAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGHHHH GURGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH ARGUHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAARGHHHH!

I feel like a loser. sighhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh :(. But oh well..

I miss being around them.

2010-02-04T06:24:00.004+08:00

Mama sent me these photos of her with my dad during the BLNG emblem, and mama look beautiful, bapa look hemsem :). HEHE.

You both are the greatest parents. You both give your children a better life, good health and happiness. You both have taught us to be a better person in life. I cherish for all that you've done to us, to me. I won't disappoint you this time, Insya Allah. Thank you for everything.

I love you ma, pa. & I miss you both :(

A year older.

2010-01-30T20:45:00.004+08:00

Ahhhh. I almost forgot!

Happy Birthday to my crazy next door neighbour, Atiqah Ismail!

Love from your brada from another matha.

To the sky.

2010-01-30T19:26:00.008+08:00

Theres a time when you need a change. Its the time when you make a decision without even thinking twice and at the same time, you're scared that it would turn out badly. You say to yourself to just do it and go on. And in the end, you're satisfied with it. Sometimes. haha. I made a change to myself and I kinda feel good after doing it. After how many years of maintaining my hair long, I decided to cut it short.

Yes, I am that vain. I took pictures when I was with my long hair just because I knew I was gonna cut my hair the next day, and I was feeling abit indecisive about cutting it and I know I'm going to miss it. Just look at the difference! I thought I'm gonna regret it, but no. I like it :D. The disadvantage of me having a short hair is that I have to blow dry after washing it just so I could keep it nicer since my hair is not naturally straight, it tends to get melantik on the end if I don't, and I would look like the 70's women with melantiks hair. Its so tiring you see. But oh well, girls just wanna look nice, so we gotta what we gotta do. sighhhhh. haha.

Oh, it snowed heavily yesterday. I don't miss it. But i like today cos its sunny :). I love you sun, please appear more often.

"Hairstyle is the final tip-off whether or not a woman really knows herself".

wanna love you.

2010-01-29T03:10:00.000+08:00

Robin Thicke is sexy!

Love.

2010-01-28T04:25:00.004+08:00

" I wish you could invent some means to make me at all happy without you. Every hour I am more and more concentrated in you; everything else tastes like chaff in my mouth".

in my head.

2010-01-24T05:47:00.002+08:00

I just can't believe that racism still exist. Of course it still does. It keeps on playing in my head and that's because I encountered an annoying rude girl the other day, which what we called them as chavs. I am guessing shes around 11-14 years old? With her baggy clothes and all.

I was in a shop walking around looking for some stuff, and when I was about to go to that certain aisle, there came this girl walking towards me in the center, and I was somewhat "blocking" her way. Then she stopped right in front of me and said "move away" for a couple of times with her rude stare. So I just looked at her and moved a bit, and stared at her cause I was already feeling fdskjfhdskgjhfdlgnfdjvnfdjvkslhfd. And she said to "move away" again when I already moved. Isn't that just rude? Like wtf? Please have some courtesy but looks like she has never been taught any. Well, you're just a chav anyway, I'm here to get educated. Plus, you're just a little kid. But still, erghhh. All I wanted to do at that time was to slap her but I can't do that cos its their country, and I am just a nice Asian. hahaha ada lagi tu. Oh well, but the elders are nice tho, and some other locals, just the chavs.

I still feel like throwing a huge metal ball with spikes everywhere at her, really. She pissed me off. But then I was enlightened by the arrival of my parcel from my mama! She gave keropoks from Brunei. So I was happy again. haha.

banana pancakes.

2010-01-22T03:45:00.002+08:00

Nothing is better than a hot glass of plain water after eating a whole medium bowl of fried rice. I stated 'medium bowl' just so you won't think that I ate it with a large bowl cos I'm not a monster. I know I love to eat, but I'm sorry to disappoint you. And so I am very full.

So, I am stress free since Monday, which was the most terrible day for me and my friends. It was the day when we had to submit our assignment and we were not done with it. So, we had to stay in the library for a day and finished our assignment, without any sleep. It was awesome!! NOT! Apparently, we haven't changed a lot.. haha. Ok, not proud of it. We made a vow to ourselves for our next semester. NO LAST MINUTE WORK. But looking on the bright side, I think we did well tho we're not confident about the outcome of our results. We had to do 6000 freaking words of essay, and we finished it in 3 days. High fives? Even if I won't get a good grade for it, cos I think I deserve it, I just hope that I'd pass. & seriously, I have to change this habit of mine. I slack too much when it comes to assignment. tsok tsok.

I have 3 more days left for me to enjoy my holiday. Then Monday, back to uni! Back to being half bald :D. Half of me can't wait for my second semester and study for the new modules, half of me is just all braaaaaaaaaaaghhhhhhhhhhherghh. But I think I'm ready, and ready to change! Lets get a first class people! Butts up!

OHHHH. The other day, I watched drama brunei on youtube. It was funny and it made me miss home. heh.

Baby, lets fall in love again.

2010-01-14T20:33:00.002+08:00

I wonder how we could only love one person as long as we live. I wonder how one person could make us fall in love, head over heels again and again. I wonder how that one person makes us sad and happy at the same time. I wonder how that one person could make us dream about the future, what would happen 5 to 10 years later. I wonder how that one person could make us feel so close and attached to each other tho we're far apart. & the more close and attached we feel, it hurts to imagine if we let it go. I wonder how that person could make us feel really comfortable, til we don't care if he hears us snoring when we sleep. I wonder how that one person could lift us back up when we're down, and sometimes he doesn't even know that he's doing it. I wonder how he could make me feel this way.

Mohammad Aliff, I love you. Happy special day to us :)

Something always brings me back to you, it never takes too long.
I never wanted anything so much, than to drown in your love and not feel your rain.

in your eyes.

2010-01-14T03:50:00.002+08:00

Ok, my plan to not eat until dinner apparently didn't work that well. I am not trying to starve myself to death or diet (ARE YOU KIDDING ME?? OF COURSE I'M TRYING TO DIET. JUST LOOK AT MY TUMMY!). Because I had a very very late dinner which I called it as Sahur because it was almost 2am in the morning when we started eating our "dinner". Well, it was good tho. It was just simple TORTILLAS! Looks like I've been eating like crap. And I've been consuming alot of biscuits and cookies. So much for a healthy lifestyle. Blame the assignments :). I promise myself to eat healthily and exercise after my assignment is done. Serious. I hope. hahaha. Blame Millies for being so good :(. Oh, talking about Millies, I miss Famous Amos.

I am feeling a little bit disappointed, frustrated, unhappy, worried, anxious, and I am going a little itsy bitsy insane pasal aku lapar. Apakan. haha eksenku. Pasal, MY LAPTOP IS NOT WORKING. BOOOOOOOOHUUUUUUU. Yes, my sanity has gone somewhere over the rainbow just because of my laptop. Oh, I've been using the laptop for four years already by the way, I just counted. HEHEHE. Anyway, where was I? Oh yeahh.

LAPTOPKUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU!!! :(. Theres a disk error something like that and I can't use it anymore. I'm waiting for my friend to repair it though, I hope my files could still be backed up. SAYANG TU MUN HILANG EVERYTHING. OH NOOOO. I can imagine how I would react when everything is gone. I think I'll break down. I'm going to cry in the corner for months! Ke pantai tah ku ni buang frust. I'd have to slit my wrist!! hahahahaha over. Ok stress. I am using my friend's laptop by the way. The bad news is, you won't be seeing me posting up my pictures anymore cos I know how much you guys love to look at my pictures. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHA atu baru confident. Nadawah :). I think I am actually going insane. I don't want to lose all the files and everything. Shouldve saved it in my hard disk everyday!

Note to self: Next time, don't be macam si pandai kan install install something that is not necessary. I is regret.

and I miss boyfriendku. Berabis.

hellooooooooooooooo wuuurld.

2010-01-11T15:04:00.003+08:00

GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOD MORNINGGGGG! Its approximately 7.05am here and I'm already awake! I'm officially a morning person starting today! :D NOTTTTTTTTTTTTT!!!! I haven't slept for three days.

Eksenku.

Since 11.40 a.m and I'm still partially awake. I am just taking a break from my assignment. My mind was about to burst, so before anything happens I am taking an action to blog just so I can ease my mind a little bit. To tell you the truth, this is a record for me. I never stay up this late just to finish up my goddamn assignment, the latest I ever stayed up was until 4am and thats because I drank this long plastic glass of coffee. I couldnt sleep after that which I almost cried cos I really wanted to sleep. haha. I didnt drink any coffee today but look at me, still awake!! Impressive.. mhmm mhmm. I just cant wait to get this over with. Just a little bit more...I CAN DO THIS!

"Uwh yeahh, I know I can. Cos I'm fly like that. yeahh baby..chitty chitty bang bang."

WHATTAFAAAAK.

I saw sparks.

2010-01-10T09:26:00.006+08:00

I am excited and I need to get it off. But at the same time its mixed with these two different opposing feelings which I cant really explain and I wonder why. But all I feel right now is just happiness and excitement cos I haven't had this kind of feeling for quite awhile and I'm loving it. Let me just put my negative thoughts aside for a little while and enjoy this great moment. I have this tingles in my tummy all of a sudden. HEHE. I appreciate and adore the little things that's happening around me because that's what matters most to me.

I was being pessimistic for a little while but somehow he pulls me back up w/o him even knowing and he makes me believe that we could make it, and that its real. I hope. Or am I just being naive? HMM. Oh well, what happens, happens. Lets just pray for the best, shall we? :) I love you, note that.

Excuse me, I'm outta my mind. Assignment, please be good to me. Stop ruining my hair.

"you just can't live in that negative way, make way for the positive day."
- Bob Marley